funny itsy bitsy..

The funny itsy bitsy in me

that lil man in my body hit me way too often lately
way beyond what i've ever felt before
makes me wonder wat is actually going on

but it's weird..
gosh.. this year is super weird..

i felt that me n josh is going way better
but yet.. my loving feeling is not the same as what i had before..
not that it's gone, but it's a different feeling

it makes me worry in a way..
coz i dunno wats going on..

but oh well.. here we are.. such a lovey dovey..
i can understand his body languages better..
he become calmer..
i become much cooler..
we had less drama than ever before..

usually he'll be tempered when he sleep
and i moved here n there..
now, he is sooooooo much less tempered..
talk sweetly bout my behaviour..
or juz asked me to come n get into his hug to stop me from
moving around or making noises by doing watever i could do in the room
while waiting for him to wake up from his nap..

these kinda small daily things..
really change the relationship when it changed..

i missed the dramatic days between us tho!! =P
when we used to argue so much..
mad at each other..
coz when we're argueing face to face and long distance is different u know..
argueing face to face can make us opened to each other..
n i like it in some ways sometimes.. =P

especially if we ended it with picking on each other..
or pillow fight.. or walking to no where..

talking bout walking to no where..
i kinda reducing this thing.. i juz notice it today..
i walked further from him, but not too far..
n he used to it already XD LOLZ..

gosh.. 3 more weeks.. n we'll become 1 year..
i'll be 21..
confused bout being in love with this messed up ugly smoker guy
with all his bad habits.. in ah beng style..

seing no future with this guy but yet still goin on..
thinking bout my life n ticking clock..
yet still being as stupid as a lil kid on my 21st..
but all these only get me feeling deeper and deeper in this relationship

omg.. finally another story bout monkey n me..
u happy now terry???
i bet u're smilin thinking dat we works like wat u think we would..
juz pray for my best people..

and i wanna admit my sin to josh..
i threw 2 boxes of ur lucky strike today XD
ow, talking bout cig.. terry.. he didn't bring the 10cigs box
so.. don't expect him to change much..

perfect girl??

i've changed lately.. usually no matter how i hate myself
i nvr had image of the perfect girl look in my days ever..
i end up imagining the perfect girl look lately..

which is..

- has bright eyes.. with the sparkle in em
- i heard my skin colour is kinda ugly, some says tanned, i feel dat it's very hard to find a nice
colour on me.. usually only the same old type of colour that suits me
- small boobs (not flat!) which i think makes em look elegant n so girly..
big boobs are nice but it's so trouble some for fashion n stuffs.. (to much to tell n it's kinda too
subjective so i avoid subjectivity here)
- tall.. (but some guys says they like me short like now, since they find it perfect size for me)
- act feminine..
- smart n hard working such as tara
- soft spoken
- not too honest n expressive
- not too agresive
- n don't really cares bout guys..

there r lotsa more i reckon..
but i dunno.. prolly i'll end up writing list of names instead..
since i kinda wanna b like em..
coz not much people likes me.. n lotsa people likes em..
lotsa people complain.. n i always get the poops on me..

nitey nitez 4 now..
work tmr..

back to sydney..

reached sydney this morning!!.. found that my life gets dull..
things changed.. friends changed..
only family stays the same..

only the nice clear milky way that i see on the plane
the perfect weather in sydney today with bit of cloudy weather
the wind..
and the smell of the old stories and feelings..
that made me a bit brighter..

things felt weird.. situation felt weird..
felt like something is going on..
hopefully not dat the world is back stabbing me..

i feel uncomfortable, lost and not ready to face this year..

so many things will be going on, so many things i wanna do
so many things to consider..

so much to learn.. so much to get..

man.. i need to get myself back up..
i've been listening too much n caring too much
seeing n hearing too much,
n end up killin myself again..

there are more words to come..
i wrote em down.. i'll post it next time ^^
dats all for now..
i gtg to bed. i hv work tmr..

lazy to blog

lazy to blog!!! XD
the stories from syd fest n oz day or chinese new year are too long
the pretty details and feeling that i have from those events are fading
n it's hard for me to recall it..
but i still remember some, such as
how beautiful was the shadow of the dancers on the martin's place building's wall
how pretty was the floating tissue in the air while the dance n the song was peaceful
it was all felt like in a dream..

the feeling of sydney CBD under the reign of festivity
road closures where you can see people crossing the elizabeth st. freely
concerts here n there.. people partying..

and during the oz day..
i found myself being me.. so free..
wearing dress yet not bound to girly attitude..
i don't care bout my look, not scared of a mess..
missed that feeling.. when i was so free.. no body cares..

i was like the advertisement of the randwick race course..
"nothing could stop princesses"
where the ads always shows how the princesses goes through any adventures
eventhough they're wearing dress and high heels..
but i wasn't wearing high heels dat day..

but yea.. i went under the rain.. sit on wet spot.. etc..
i was so happy..

and when the day goes dark the main part of teh event comes
and the national anthem played
the whole part of the australian anthem in aboriginal language was brilliant!!
very touching, sounds better.. and it reminds me to indo too..
the composition of the music was superb..
they combine oriental drums and sounds, aboriginal sounds with orchestra!
the singer of the national anthem was excellent..

the whole package was well orchestrated..
the fireworks was well arraged.. so close.. it's decent yet so pretty..
it comes to perfection when you see the glittering drizzles by the street lights..
with the background of fireworks and your family seems so perfect in that moment,
and the passion of photo taking is wrapping me..

prolly my words can't explain the beauty of those days..
but i juz wanna share a bit with u guys and make it recorded
therefore i can always remember that happy moment..

hahaha.. finally i end up blogging bout those events =P

tagged..

first time in my life i've ever been tagged..

n this is from li ying..
i know i suppose to updates things that i wanna express,
news bout CNY, etc etc etc etc etc..

but oh well, i feel like slacking =P
so here goes the tag..

1. If you could spend 1 dollar in 5 minutes, what would you spend on?
- anything which is very worth it for 1 dollar..

2. What is your most favourite thing to do?
- dance

3. What kind of news do you read?
- anything that is groudbreaking n interests me.. i follow obama quite often..

4. What would u do if u were to die tomorrow?
- enjoy life for the last day.. i want too many things but teh time is too short.. so juz enjoy..

5. Is there someone in your heart right now?
- yes.. lots of peepz actually.. my Josh, my prev dog Flicky, my prev hamsters especially Zen and Yuu, my prev squirrels fili and ferdy, my family, my first love Yulius, my best friends especially tita
=P
dats rite! my pets are in the same level as my love =P
means josh = my monkey
yes and i miss my love n my pets more than my family XD

6. Do you believe you can survive without money?
- yes, coz we still can survive in the jungle.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
- My passion and my boyfriend

8. What do you feel like doing right now?
- go to dance classes!!! go to beach with friends, shopping!!! XD
i'm kinda getting worse bout the shopping temptation T_T n i hate my good design eyes
coz it drags me to expensive stuffs!!!! talking bout that..
JOSHY!!!!! WHERE IS MY TIFFANY BRACELET?!?!! =P

9. If there’s someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
- yes i will.. coz i'm a person dat can't lie to myself

10. List 5 things that u like in a guy/girl.
- more than 5 is alright, isn't it?? =P
deep eyes, big neck with nice neck line, nice shoulder and chest, smart!, nerdy specs look,
thoughtful, cool n calm, classy and TREAT GIRLS AS A LADY!! dat'll make me fall so badly..
but mostly after getting together won't treat the gf that good neemore or maybe after married..
guys!! learn this one well!! even i'll treat my close girl friends well like a lady..

i know, it shows how different josh from guy that i like rite?? hopeless.. XD

11. What are the requirements that you not wish from your other half?
- ??? don't understand this question

12. What do you think is your purpose in life?
- to make indonesia become the old her that is so flawlessly beautiful,
make it as what the older generations been dreaming about
keeping it's heritages, make better nasional library, museums and economy..
i wanna make indonesia great and no one nor politics or goverments could stop me from that!

13. Do you feel like killing someone at the moment?
- nope

14. If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
- nasi liwet with rendang, sate with lontong + mini hungry jack's double whopper + chicken nuggets + ayam pop + sayur asem + ayam bakar + mie tek tek + mie ayam + gulai + opor!! + soto + bawang goreng + caesar salads all on the side =P

deserts: opera cake, tiramisu, delicious chocolate souffle with crunchy outside, cendol, chocolate mousse, deep fried taro from china, mandarins, SALAK!!, NANGKA!!, rambutan, lengkeng, cherries, blueberries, cheesecakes, hmm... cakes from my primary school..

could that be said as "one thing" please??? wat if it served as 1 serve?? can?? can?? can??
(*o*) yumm...... still hv lotsa more i think..

15. If you had a choice to be rich or happy, which one would you pick?
- i hate this question.. coz i want to b happy but for my life purpose's sake i gotta b filthy rich..
so i think i choose filthy rich!! coz if i can achieve my purpose i can b happy..

16. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
- lotsa things, but it's hard to explain..

17. Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
- anyone that i can trust and could give me inputs. and definitely not a gossiper!!

18. Name one love song that you have in mind and why?
- don't hv.. dunno.. too many?? err... bad question.. XD

19. What is the one thing you love about yourself?
- dunno.. i'm not a person that is good in answering these kinda complicated questions

20. What is bothering you right now?
- my body is out of shape!! the muscles getting blunt!! flexibility gone!!
appetite gone!! josh not around n hard to talk to him!! wants bally!!
and the most important thing.. my family don't really likes josh..
wanna go to beach but afraid my frackles will be worse.. n wants josh go to beach with me..
no one hand in team list for the league that i make yet..
afraid that i'll spend too much in jkt next week..
worry whether i'll survive this coming semester..

Gotta Put This First!!!

guys.. i got a lot of things to post
but i really want to put this on top of others..

this is a video of a tremendously fantastical dancer..
i watched it on sunday night on TV..
Australia's "so you think you can dance"
check this out mate..

dancers or no dancers..
gotta love this piece of perfection..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eR0ecahz-Q#

gosh.. i dunno how to put the video on my page..
but seriously.. I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!

i cried everytime i see it.. and i'm amazed with the skills..

if you guys don't check it out, u juz missed something special..
and anyone knows how to put video on the post please teach me how!!


-*Update*----------



thanks kenny for the info..
here is the video..