what is a boyfriend for me?

when i was cooking tonight suddenly i remember that i never feel lonely when i don't hv bf, but i always complains about being lonely when i don't hv friends around..

i remember about this coz i've been so cold towards josh today..
i'm wondering how could i be that ignorant towards my bf n feel like i don't need him
lately i feel bit tired taking care of the baby prince joshua the "tird", exactly not third..
get rid off the h on it.. how does it sound like? exactly!! the t*rd!!
i was cold coz i dun wanna care bout him anymore since i feel that i dun need him
and he dun need me anyway, so why should i serve him?
why should i care? he dun care bout me that much either..

therefore, after i think again n again,
prolly i love to hv a bf coz i'll hv a very very very best friend..
and these individuals that r attracted to me would treat me nice rite??
and they will be so close to me rite??
they will always b there for me coz they love me rite??
it means they can b my very best friend n team mate in life rite???

ow well, i dunno why i hate it when i can just dun care about my bf n treat him like a stranger that i dun rily like.. i feel that it's irresponsible, especially bout the bit that i'm tired taking care of him when he don't even care about what i feel, what i bla bla bla..

haiz.. in the end the conclusion is bf is a guy that have a special relationship with me yet he's my very very very best friend at once
i love my very very very best friend the 1 and only.. my bf for now!!! =P joshua lee..

and i do love you guys my BFFs:
vina, triady, samuel ---- nice to know that we've been peeing each other
when we were in kindergarten =P
tita, catherine, winnie.. --- people that i spent most of my days in my adolescence the most!!
you guys rock!!!
i miss my friends =[
lucky i have my josh here in sydney, if i don't i must be very suffering..
love you josh.. ^^

i know it's weird i just say that he's a "tird" at the begining and now i say that i love him
but that's love.. you hate that person but you love him even more and then u'll hate him again for u can't hate him coz u love him!! twisted?? josh twisted bout this too
i was twisted bout this too before i experienced it myself..

sorry that this post is not that good
and it's a bit twisty coz it's about lots of things that is happening in my head

hopefully it helps u guys to know me better!! ^^
ciao!